10 guardrails for leaders
Over the past 12 months I have been working off and on what I am calling “10 guardrails for leaders”. I have been thinking, reflecting and pondering these. I have lived by these for years. I am not a legalistic person. But, when it comes to the opposite sex I think we have to be. I have reflected, rewrote, deleted and added. I have asked, “how do you create some healthy guidelines without being legalistic?” “Is this the job of the lead pastor to provide these for the staff?”. “How far do you go?”(I am considering implenting these guardrails for all staff at New Life.)
A guardrail is a rail acting as a safety barrier at the side of a freeway, highway, road, or ship’s deck.
In today’s world we need safety barriers. In the day of text, facebook and emails…we need to be ok with creating some personal legalism. Agree? Disagree? Is this the job of a lead pastor to provide guardrails like this?
Is this to far? Am I missing something? Are there ”rules” on this list that you think are not realistic? If so, which ones? Do these guardrails stifle ministry or empower ministry? I would love to hear your observations
We have talked about this as a team. We haven’t 100% adopted these guidelines.
Is this over reacting or providing great leadership? Curious to hear your input.
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Thou shalt never be alone with the opposite sex for any reason other than family members. (pick you up, drive you, eating at restaurant, etc)
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Thou shalt only show affection to the opposite sex that is done with “absolute purity”
(1 Timothy 5: 1-2 “Appropriate hugging and touching”) -
Thou shalt not access the internet without using “Covenant Eyes” or having someone in the room with you. (office, home, library, hotel, etc)
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Thou shalt use Godly wisdom when communicating with the opposite sex on emails, text, facebook, MySpace, blog, twitter, instant messages, chat rooms or any other form of technology.
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Thou shalt CC or BCC your spouse or assistant on emails to the opposite sex that contains any information that would be personal in nature (prayer requests, personal encouragement, etc)
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Thou shalt not have the opposite sex in your office alone without the blinds opened and someone else in the office complex.
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Thou shalt not counsel or meet with the opposite sex more than once without that person’s spouse. Refer them.
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Thou shalt avoid obscenity, foolish talk and coarse joking. (Ephesians 5:4)
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Thou shalt not discuss your marriage problems with the opposite sex.
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Thou shalt not pray with the opposite sex alone. Simply ask someone to join you in prayer.
Obviously there are rare exception’s to these guardrails. We have unmarried staff. Guardrail one wouldn’t apply in this situation. Although if they are dating we have another whole set of guardrails that is for another conversation.
Love to hear your honest perspective on these…
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About Troy
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I have a tough time with legalistic approaches to behavior issues. I also completely understand that in a leadership situation or even in our daily lives we must set ground rules that shield us from either temptation or the mere appearance of impropriety. I think that there can be a thousand rules but as the enemy creeps in he will twist those words and make what is damaging behavior seem harmless. So when I lead I try to remind people what they should be doing versus what they shouldn’t be doing. You will find that your guardrails are much larger and harder to get around if people are living within a standard instead of within a set of rules. The Uniform Code of Military Justice calls this type of offense “conduct unbecoming” and is not a penalty for a specific act as outlined in the code but instead is an offense against the very essence of what it is to be a member of the Military. As a husband, a father, and a friend it is clearer for me to establish the path I want to walk, the grace under which I want to walk, and value of the relationships I have with those I care for and influence. Once I am clear on this it becomes easier to ask myself if my behavior is “conduct unbecoming” as a husband, father, friend, or servant of the Lord.
In a real life example is how as a Boy Scout Leader we govern the boys and adult behavior by the Scout Law. The Law is not a bunch of rules on what not to do; it is an outline of what you are to do. A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent. So if a youth or adult is maybe talking a bit of unfriendly trash we simply say “A Scout is Kind”. Or perhaps they are not recognizing their duty to God, we simply say “A Scout is Reverent”.
At the crux of this issue is “Thou shall” or “Thou shall not”. When Jesus gave the Great Commission in Matthew 28 he did commanded what his followers on what they should be doing versus what they should avoid. Leaders know what is right and wrong, good and bad, obedient and disobedient. They just need to be reminded about which side they are on and how high the stakes are when is comes to the spiritual heath and salvation of the people whom they lead.
If that is all too much to remember you can always use the rule of thumb my grandpa taught me: “If you wouldn’t do it in front of your wife then you shouldn’t be doing it.”
Comment by Chris Stephens | January 10, 2009
excellent thoughts Chris..very insightful. I especially like the last line..if you wouldn’t do it in front of your wife then you shouldn’t be doing it.
My experience..people are not getting it when it comes to this area of sexual purity.
I am with you…I typically don’t like legalistic approaches to behavioral issues. But…sexual sin is so destructive and easy to fall into. We have to put up some guardrails in our everyday life. For sure we can’t say, “this is God” “this is the only way to do it”…but we need what I call personal legalism….
Again, great insights and conversation..people are making a bunch of comments on my facebook…
Comment by troyhjones | January 10, 2009
I agree with Chris that a positive approach emphasizing WHAT we should do in our behavior is more effective. And if that approach were modeled more by those in leadership today, then perhaps we would have less need for “Thou Shalt Not’s). However, it should be noted that the Law (10 Commandments) given by God to Moses and the numerous other ones mentioned in Leviticus and Deuteronomy contained specific “Thou Shalt Not” statements for God’s people. Jesus in Matthew 19 repeated these “Thou Shalt Not” statements to His disciples (who would be leaders in the early church). Finally, the Apostle Paul in his epistles to the churches also included some “Thou Shalt Not” statements, e.g., (see Ephesisns 4) where he balances “Do Not” statements with positive “Do” statements.
One thing I have observed in nearly 50 years of ministry is that with legalists there has rarely been much balance between the negative and the positive. Proverbs should guide us here. The proverbs writers would often make a “Thou Shalt Not” statement followed by a positive explanation of the benefits of heeding the “Thou shalt Not”.
In a relativistic, post modern, post Christian age, I firmly believe that “Thou Shalt Not” statements are still appropriate as long as they are balanced with the postive benefits for them, are based on solid biblical exegesis and interpretation, and are modeled by those giving them to others.
Comment by Dr. Dwaine Braddy | January 11, 2009
Great list of guardrails! I’ve fallen prey to a lack of boundaries so many times over the years. Now that I am married I have become so much more careful about guardrails like these.
Luke Gilkerson
Internet Community Manager
Covenant Eyes
Comment by Luke Gilkerson | January 12, 2009
I forgot to say how much I agree, Pastor Troy, with your guardrails. They are practical and biblical. I taught your guardrails for over 20 years to pastoral ministries’ students at Northwest (College) University. They can save ministers and laity alike from grief, anguish, and domestic failure and remorse! Keep reminding us of them! Shalom friend!
Comment by Dr. Dwaine Braddy | January 12, 2009
Troy well done with these. I think it would be useful to have some guidelines on hugging. That seems to be a gray area with a lot of people. In all of these it’s useful to remember the WWJD concept. Pretty hard to argue with him as an example.
I admire your committment to Godly living and being a Godly example. Keep up the good work!
Comment by Bruce Bock | January 13, 2009
After reading all the input from facebook and my blog I updated the guardrails for leaders. See the updated post
Comment by troyhjones | January 13, 2009